If you saw this in the news and were thinking that it was me, you were wrong. To be honest I actually do like some of McDonald’s breakfast items. Also I feel that it’s inappropriate to fire a sawed-off shotgun into a McDonalds drive through window. That is unless the McD’s has been overrun with zombies, as only then it would be acceptable. Write that down.
I was informed while I was at shitty friend and Shanks birthday bar party on Saturday night that I suck the blog. Basically it was a pile-on issued by Denise, including Christie, and Kristel (or DiCK if you will) outlining what a douchbag Helmey is for abandoning the blogapalooza. You’ll have to trust me when I tell you this wasn’t the sexy kind of triple team either. I had to throw that in here so when people google “sexy triple team” they get tricked into stopping by here now that I have alienated all three of my regular readers.
I don’t have an excuse as to why I haven’t posted in so long. I did have the month off as I was laid off on 2/23 and started my new job on 3/23. At the B-Day bash JeromEEE (whatever the fuck that’s all about) asked me what I had been up to as no one had heard from or seen me in quite a while. The worst part is I just sat there blank. I couldn’t remember. How sad for me.
Later it started to come back. I pretty much spent my time like a retired old man trying to keep myself busy by yelling at the neighborhood kids and hoping to not suffer the indignity of not making it to the bathroom on time and peeing my pants. Please note: I don’t have a bladder problem, I have a crown royal problem, and I’ve gotten lazier.
I do have a few things to show from my forced sabbatical. I, like many of you have tried my hand at arts and crafts. I built this awesome display all by my self from scratch. I won’t go into details but it took a few weeks to acquire all the necessary items to complete this masterpiece. You should have seen the pride in Brandy’s eyes once she saw the finished product proudly on display in my office.
Its OK. You can click on it. It's awesome...
The rest of the time I have been toting the Captain around. The Captain or Cappy as we call him is the newest addition to our family.
Meet the Captain…
He is still afraid of stairs, well just the going down part. So he starts screwing around and runs up stairs and gets stranded. He sits a top the staircase barking and whining until I bring him back down, just so he can go up again 3 minutes later so we can repeat the ritual.
"Help! I need a ride!"
As I sit here I realize that there are more post worthy topics that I could write about from the past 30 days or so. But then I would be out of topics again and have to wait another month for my next post. I can’t get excited and shoot my blog wad all at once… I must pace myself…
Welcome back Helmey!!!
Glad you're in better spirits :)
Posted by: Kristi S | March 31, 2009 at 11:27 AM
I am so Glad that our "Sexy Triple Team" got you back into blogging. I LOVE your Arts & Crafts Helm I have a few I could use your advise and help on when you get a minute. :) And Cappy is ADORABLE! I bet Brandy is having a blast with a Cute little puppy. We will have to make it over there sometime soon to meet him in person.
WELCOME BACK!
Posted by: Denise H. | March 31, 2009 at 12:29 PM
I was getting worried that the zombies somehow got a hold of you.
Posted by: Robyn | March 31, 2009 at 07:14 PM
I'm not so secretly terrified that zombies will actually happen one day because we'll go too far with genetic testing. Then Avon came out with a face cream that looks like the t-virus (seriously, google image search: http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=avon+t+virus&gbv=2) and my fear worsened. Now I want your zombie survival kit. Will you protect me and/or end my life rapidly when the undead (and frankly that phrase never made sense to me because if you're not dead, you're living thus you're undead) come back for brains? Pleeeaaassseeee???
Posted by: Chickpea | March 31, 2009 at 07:26 PM
ZOMBIES! zombies zombies zombie :-)
im all about the zombies, dude! i need one of those "incase of attacks" in my house but my man says its not necessary. i think he's crazy. but all my friends say if we were attacked by zombies they'd want me to lead them to safety! or as safe as you can get ;)
Posted by: blaez | March 31, 2009 at 08:02 PM
Did you just welcome yourself back?
That is quite impressive arts & crafts. Well done & thank you for taking up the first line of defense against the zombie scum.
The Captain is frickin adorable. More pictures please.
Posted by: Katie | April 01, 2009 at 02:06 PM
Well, it's about damn time!! Welcome back shitty blogger!! :)
Posted by: Christie | April 01, 2009 at 07:18 PM
That puppy is way too cute to stand. More pictures please!
Posted by: Becky | April 02, 2009 at 01:18 PM
haha! I love the zombie kit! Is Crown a foster or a forever doggie? Judging by the name, he's all yours.
I'll tell Chris about your adventures--I doubt he'll make it on here to read for himself; what with him being all busy talking to famous people & whatnot. :p
Posted by: Jenna Talia | April 02, 2009 at 07:36 PM
Hey...remember that trip to vegas you backed out on? I'll be in Vegas May 4-8th!!!!!
Nice to read your blog again..needed a laugh....SUPER cute puppy!!!
Posted by: Mel | April 04, 2009 at 01:37 PM
Am in love with that puppy. Is this a you-guys puppy, or is this a foster puppy?
Posted by: caleal | April 04, 2009 at 11:19 PM
Dear God man, if you hadn't posted the Zombie kit ahead of that impossibly cute puppy, I might have had to find a way to locate you and slap you silly. First you go U/A for a month (not that I can really comment), then you come back all sugarcoated and furry?? But the kit... nice save. As they say, "*That* motherfucker is state of the art!!"
Posted by: Sarah | April 05, 2009 at 09:49 PM