The wife can be such a pain in the neck…

You know that neck pain you wake up with every so often? If you are shaking your head no you’re either a liar or you’re Chuck Norris. I’m fairly certain it happens to all of us from time to time but yesterday morning was different. About 3 am Helmey woke up because he had been stabbed in the neck. I quickly realized that I hadn’t actually been impaled but it sure felt as though Plaxico had shot me by mistake. Any head movement whatsoever sent shockwaves of debilitating pain throughout Helmey. By about 8 am the pain had yet to subside thus I was given no other option then to self medicate. A narcotic pain pill and a Bailey’s coffee later the pain was tolerable but still pretty intense.

 

In case you were wondering Helmey is an Account Executive for a large Midwestern Bank that will remain unnamed. Helm is a home based rep therefore I have a home office set up that I work out of. That being said I spend a great deal of time simultaneously on the phone and the computer. My work phone is one of those blackberry cell phones. The kind that is impossible to hold up to you ear with a shoulder while experiencing acute neck pain. The same kind that I can’t figure out how to set up a Bluetooth on and the jack won’t take the old school plug in headsets. Helmey is not as effective typing with one hand as say Wayman is but for different reasons. Basically yesterday it sucked to be me.  

 

Not being a long winded blogger I best get to the point. You know in the movies and TV where one dude grabs another dudes head twists it super fast and kills him? With pain like I was in yesterday this is the only explanation of what happened to Helmey. I’m thinking Brandy slipped me a roofie (or a silent wife) and tried to twist head kill me in my sleep. If I add it up, trying to kill me with the poison water, slippery shower, the circus cats, and now this totals 8 attempts on my life. I’m not a cat; I don’t have nine lives so I had to have this talk with her last night before my luck ran out.

 

Helmey – If I ask you a question will you be completely honest with me?

Brandy – sure

Helmey – Look me in the eye and give me the truth? Nothing but the truth...

Brandy – Just ask already!

Helmey – Did you try to twist off my head and kill me last night?

Brandy – What?!?

Helmey – I knew it! I’m so on to you!! Your gig is up woman!!!

Brandy – Gives Helm the wife look and walks off…

 

I’m like MacGyver sans the ability to build cool shit like a rocket launcher out of paperclips, a tampon, and a stick of gum.

Comments

[Denise H.]

You know Brandy deserves an award for putting up with you!

And... what is a roofie?

[Kristi S (sweetsauer)]

I woke up with a pain in the neck like that on Easter two years ago and it didn't go away for TWO WEEKS. Two weeks of pure misery. No meds, no chiropractor. The only relief was holding my head sideways (real cool!) I hope yours goes away!

[Helmey]

Denise,
Roofie is cool street slang for Rohypnol. It's a highly potent hypnotic drug with powerful sedative, anxiolytic, amnestic, and skeletal muscle relaxant properties. A short-intermediate acting benzodiazepine derivative, flunitrazepam is prescribed for the treatment of severe insomnia.

[Denise H.]

Helmey can you please state what it is in English? I don't understand "Doctor". haha

[Katie]

I can recommend Brandy a weight lifting routine to work on her strength. The key is in the wrists.

[Jenna Talia]

Yikes! That hurts! Put some BenGay on it...the ninja is a devout user.
Denise- first: Hi! Second: roofie = "date rape" drug.

[Word Perv]

Favorite line from that entire post:

"I’m like MacGyver sans the ability to build cool shit like a rocket launcher out of paperclips, a tampon, and a stick of gum."

FUCKING HYSTERICAL!!!!

[kel]

Please stop referring to yourself in the third person. You're scaring me and my mom doesn't like it.

[Summer]

@Denise H. Roofies are made by Russian. They tell you it is to keep you healthy, but it is a dirty dirty lie.

[Sarah]

days later, but how can I not give respect to a badass like your wife?! She should start a series of seminars... for ... something. The cat-on-stairs move is still my favorite.

[Core Chiro]

In this busy lifestyle we dont have time to sit and to have rest. Our 12 hours sitting time creates many tips of pains in the body. If you have these types of pain as back pain, neck pain you should try Chiropractic Technique. Here I am pasting a link that shows about message therapy http://www.corechiro.com/ check it once it'll help you for sure.