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I want to address the comment Kel made about Helmey speaking in the third person. Kelli, don’t knock it till you try it. It's like smoking and all the cool kids are doing it. Third person speak is not just for crazy people anymore. Recognize (Sorry Kel’s mom)

 

Speaking of crazy people…

 

Last night Brandy saw Helm’s seasonal cards on the counter and asked who they were for. I explained that I had purchased those special cards for the Blogapalooza readers AKA the Bpals. The following conversation ensued.

 

Brandy – So how many are you sending out?

Helm – Oddly enough I only had like 4 or 5 card requests.

Brandy – I’m surprised you got that many

Helm – Whatever, I’m awesome. If you would occasionally read my blog you would know this.

Brandy – I have read you blog and I’m shocked anyone would send you their personal info the way you carry on about zombies and other weird shit.

Helm – Touché…

 

Please note: I’m not nearly the mess I portray myself to be on the Blogapalooza. Crazy people with bad intentions don’t have the blemish free record that I do. Well…there is that one thing but I still maintain my innocence. I looked high and low and NEVER saw a sign that said masturbating in the voting booth was prohibited.

 

Moving on…

 

I got an invite to H & D’s Christmas slash housewarming party the other day. I’m not sure why they are having it so soon as they have only been the new house for like 6 months. The invite specified that due to the house being new with the fancy carpet and tile, anything in shades of red is prohibited and should be left home. It continued on rice cakes and distilled water were the only approved food and beverages. Big mistake as you don’t tell Helmey how to roll. First thing I did was call Puma and Pop Tart to be sure they were going. Puma said she hadn’t seen the invite yet. I advised that Helm was in charge of refreshments and she was to bring cherry jello shots, a leaky box of red wine, Hawaiian punch and a trash can with a hole in it so we can make jungle juice in the front room. I’m going to run down to the Red Cross to buy punctured bags of plasma and make myself a shirt just for good measure. I bet Bailey will take a nice shit in the back yard by then that I can step in before we head out as well.

 

Speaking of Christmas parties, Helm’s company party is this weekend so stay tuned for the awesomeness that ensues…

Comments

[Denise H.]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Did I mention that you now are dis-invited?

I seem to un-fondly remember our last Murder Mystery Party in our old house and the vision of Wayman dancing on the coffee table and spilling an entire glass of jungle juice on our light tan carpet.

No REPEATS PEOPLE or Denise might go postal. :)

P.S. We have only lived there for 2 1/2 months and I already put a kabosh on the Cherry Jello Shots. She has now been instructed to bring lemonade or pineapple ones.

[Katie]

Oh God. Jungle Juice. I'm having flashbacks.

[Kristi S]

I bet Brandy secretly reads your blog!

[Jenna Talia]

lol...I saw the Wayman video...and the jj incident explains the abrupt ending :)

[kel]

Helmey trully is a great friend.

[Sarah]

That line about not knocking it til you tried it totally worked on my husband... but I don't think the same would apply when your card showed up. He's nervous enough about the monkeys spanking us line.