Helmet's Blogapalooza

who do you want to be today?

Mellie Mel (who incidentally doesn’t dig the moniker even though it’s obvious homage grandmaster flash’s sidekick) seems to be the most proactive blogapalooza reader to date. In addition to keeping me honest she asks follow up questions about prior posts. I’m going to ignore the fact that most of you don’t care and pretend that you are all wondering what Helm decided on dressing up as for Halloween.

 

I decided to be a super awesome modern day vampire. Not the old time Victorian sissy vampire but one of the hipster blade or underworld movie types sans the leather and weapons. I have already conceded that the image in my minds eye will in no way resemble the final product therefore there is no chance for disappointment. A big part of the problem is that I have pretty much let myself go and started bulking up for winter a bit early. I don’t expect any sympathy from most of you in reading so many of your blogs stating that you’re running 10 miles a day or going to the gym religiously. Upon arriving home I might even back out and pull in again if I feel Hattori is parked too far away from the door and I can make up a few inches.

 

Besides no one will be looking at me anyhow as I will have the world greatest distraction. Brandy has decided to dress up as a geisha. Her costume is super hot in a non slutty (well it’s kinda slutty but not over the top slutty) way that I can only imagine will grab the attention of all within eyeshot and take my fat vampire costume out of the spotlight. No couples costume for us as it seems Brandy might want to keep her options open…Kidding as there is no option better than Helmey, even if he is up the freshman 15 in recent months…

 

So are any of you getting your dress up on and if so what are you going to rock? I care…I’m all about the care…

This is a poor excuse for a post…

Looking at your comments on this mornings post it seems that mid April would work the best for the Vegas trip…

 

How about April 17 – 20 (you can stay longer or shorter if you choose) and we stay at the Luxor or Monte Carlo as they are both on the strip. Luxor is a bit cheaper and the Carlo is a bit nicer. You vote and I will honor your wishes.

 

What a buzz kill. I was going to take this post and make it gooder (Western PA talk) and the doorbell rang. So I left this post hanging, answer the door to a guy in a freshly pressed pinstriped suit and a shit eating grin. He was from a local mortuary wanting to set up an appointment to make “those” arrangements. I suppose he failed to notice the awesome physical specimen that stood before him as he went on with his pitch. I politely told him I wasn’t interested so he immediately rebuts with some voodoo curse talk bubbling over with sly anything can happen innuendos. I then informed him that I don’t like mortuaries because zombies tend to hang out there and I’m the leader of the anti zombie resistance. He had no argument for that one and was on his way.

 

I now question how smart that was. He works in zombie central and knows where I live. If the zombies ever put the screws to suit guy he might give me up and leave me vulnerable to a full on zombie assault. He did leave a card. Should I call him back and try to make nice or do you think he’s already reported me to the loony bin? Silly non believers…such a pain in my ass…

 

When the fuck did they start pushing plots, headstones, and memorial services door to door anyway? There is just something fundamentally wrong with that... It's creeping me out...

 

Anyhow let me know if those dates work and where you want to stay so we can book early…

Proposed Blogapalooza Vegas trip 2K9 revisited…

I totally knew he was a zombie…now I have proof…

 

 

Mellie-Mel asked about the pending Blogapalooza Vegas trip ’09. I guess I should follow up again and see where you are all at on this. Comment and let me know if you think you might go and ballpark the timeframe that would work best for you (keeping in mind it should be a weekend between mid March and early June). If you can’t or refuse to go, please comment on why you suck. Thanks

best.post.ever

Guess what? Its blog time! Why you might ask? Because Helmey has had a few drinks this evening. Just to clear things up, by Helmey I mean me, by a few I mean 15 (give or take), and drinks I mean crown royal. I’m totally going to have to hit the spell check in this post before I submit it. I’m afraid it’s going to light up like a Christmas tree once I get there. Its cool, if there is too much to fix I can always just close the screen and make myself another delicious treat.

 

I was sick of the same old shit I have been putting on my cd compilations as of late so I made an 80’s disk for Hatori full of awesome tracks. I must say it brought me to a better place and a more simple time.  I have decided to go back to the 80’s this time as an adult and represent. I will miss you all as I’m pretty sure there was no blogging at that time. Just DOS, floppy disks and the thing you would do with the turtle making angles and lines. Speaking of turtles remind me to bring out my turtle thought. Anyhow, Wayman was doing a loan for a guy a while back who I shit you not was building a time machine in his garage and needed more money to get a giant magnet to complete the project. I’m going to get the guys address from Wayman, buy the guy his flux capacitor off e bay and woot! I’m kicking it bitchin style.

 

Now the turtle thing. I have had enough to drink to admit I dig that “Hero’s” show. The last episode the Parkman guy got a prophesy spirit guide turtle after he was teleported to Africa. Needless to say I want my own prophecy turtle. That way if I come to a crossroads and need to make an important life decision I can consult the prophecy turtle that I will have with me at all times.

 

Just so you know Halloween will be here a week from tonight. Tell me something I don’t know Helmey, you might be thinking. You might not know about the actual origin of Halloween so I will lay that knowledge on you.  The term Halloween comes from 17^thcentury Ireland where they called it All Hollows Eve. The night was to represent the annual pinnacle of awesomeness reached by future Helmey. Irish history shows that an old wise man that went by McMorpheus predicted all Nostradamus like that Helmey, the coolest guy to ever live on Earth would reach his awesomeness pinnacle as Pluto (which was still a planet at the time) was in line with Uranus. Can you keep a secret? History was wrong in this case as it was all a lie. Future drunk Helm fucked up the dial on the time machine and went back too far (1680 not 1980) and met a cool old guy with whom I drank shitty Irish whisky as we made the whole thing up.  Shhhhh don’t tell anyone I told you….the future of future Helm depends on you… Im always this awesome... recognize

 

hmmmm... Bill Maher will on soon...I have to go...

 

I’m out…thirsty…

I wanna rock!

I hate to hit you with back to back political issues but hey, tis the season. It’s my understanding that many European nations have the ability for a vote of no confidence to remove leaders from office as the might become a liability. Why can’t we have something along these lines? It seems to me that it’s not as labor intensive or drastic as impeachment proceedings therefore a much better option.

 

Historically it seems different groups and civilizations have recognized the necessity of growth and evolution. The Mormon Church for example as I’m told has recently made body peircings against the rules. I don’t think this was much of an issue back in the day.

 

Going back even further to the Bronze Age-ish time, when someone would speak out against the Roman infrastructure, people would throw rocks at them until death set in. More recently in Salem our own budding government condoned throwing rocks at “Witches” until they expired.

That being said I propose we move forward or backwards, anything besides running in place. We should have the ability for the no confidence vote, or we should be able to throw rocks at shitty politicians.