TFT... I can put a price on friendship...

As the stock market and subsequently my 401K take a big shit this week it begs (at least to me) the following question. If the definitive snapshot of the wellbeing and or strength of a public company is measured in stock price, why can’t we value people in the same way?

 

When my shitty friends fail to answer a call or show up on time their stock drops just the same is if the Brandy gets mad at me for being too awesome. If Kniker buys me a ticket to the Bronco’s V Jag’s game here in a month his stock goes way up even though I’m about over football. It’s the thought that counts. Right now it seems to be a bear market on the ECSE (El Capitan Stock Exchange). I have to downgrade Heath, Wayman, Kniker and Brandy to sell as their respective stocks are slightly inflated by unusually good behavior and occasional responsibility. I’m going to upgrade Bailey to buy as she has been naughty lately and I feel there are some better days ahead. The following are the actual monetary stock values of the aforementioned.

• HLM (Helmey) 1 Bazillion dollars per share as it doesn’t get any better than this.

• HH (Heath) and W (Wayman) are both @ 15.00 up 5.00 for being good boys

• MR (Kniker) is holding @ 10.00 The main indicators here are being a bitch and not coming out to Utah canceled out by potentially taking me to a NFL game.

• Brandy is up to 20.00 from 15.00 now that the PMS is over

• Bailey is down to 1.00 after chewing more of the baseboards and pushing the kitchen damage scale ever closer to remodel from cosmetic.

Here is where the interactive part comes in and I get to see if anyone still reads my blog. If you’re interested let me know and I will assess and publish your stock value as a BlogBFF.

 

If you are interested in investing on the ECSE feel free to write me for a free prospectus.

Comments

[Word Perv]

WordPerv's stock has plummeted since she got hammered and threw up during her recent date. Oh yes, I'm a classy bitch.

[Karen]

Your best post yet. (And I'm not just begging for points here.)

[Denise H.]

So I didnt see Kerby, Shark Bait or Helper Monkey's value on here. I am worth at least 1 million as I have put up with you for the past two years, allowed Heath to hang out with you and photographed you on many occasions (which I never got paid :) My stock should be way up! Also, an invitation to our Awesome Murder Mystery Party is awaiting your answer.

[kel]

Curious to know my worth. I'm almost always a bitch, but I do have some redeeming qualities such as passive agressiveness and the ability to hold a grudge over time.

[WindyCity]

Hmm, seeing as how I am totally awesome and have many marketable and bankable assets in the bloggy BFF/ECSE index, my P/A (price/awesomeness) ratio is pretty stable. This is ultimately the only "statistical" way of dealing with "friendly" stock exchanges. I'm a firm rating of "buy & hold". I'm a long-term asset that does not depreciate and the risk of bankruptcy due to moral misgivings is very low. However, I am risky in stability and availability. Very thinly traded, so any movement one way or the other will dramatically affect my price. I am whimsical and sometimes flighty, but I always pay dividends on schedule.

How's that?

[Original Summer]

Holy Shit WindyCity! How can I compete with that? I know absolutely nothing about the stock market and I'm ok with that.
Thanks for your last comment Helmey or El Capitan whatever the eff we are calling you these days. You made me laugh so hard a co-worker poked her head in to see what was so funny.

[Mary]

Funny post!

[Sunshine]

Even though you said I suck... I still read your blog.. it has to be worth something!!!!

[Brandy]

My stock is worth what??????? Shaking my head....

THE WIFE!!

[jenny]

bwaaahahaaa! awesome freakin' post. you need like a daily ticker or something now! :)

[Mel]

This is too funny....I hope the wife didn't kill you after she read this one;) I'd be pissed too if my stock was worth so little.