World News with El Capitan…

Sorry I have been a shitty shitty blogger lately. Apparently work can keep one busy as I was previously unaware. I thought there was always screw around time…and I was wrong.

 

I applaud the feds for taking over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac but if they could have consulted me first thus lessening my inconveniences it would have been much appreciated. Now they know so next time they take over some financial shit, they will talk to the Captain before making any moves.

 

None the less I would like to say I’m back but I can’t be sure, therefore I will not say I’m back. How about I’m visiting? I’m way behind on reading your shit so if you have a clever post that I need to see be sure to comment the link to me. Otherwise I might try to pull a clean slate maneuver and just start from the most recent posts forward.

 

Unless you are into boring ass financial and mortgage news I don’t have anything for you in my little world. As luck would have it I have found something for you in Asia, Hong Kong to be exact. It seems a dude there almost lost his dong while porking a metal bench in a park. I can assume we have all been worked up at some point in our lives but I don’t think I know anyone that would find a park bench doable. Now that I think about it I might have a few friends that might…cough, cough, Denise, cough…but I’m not going there.

 

I know this is a shitty excuse for a post…but its all I got and it's how I roll (not screwing benches…shitty posting)

 

This is where I get the comments from my reader’s talking about the inanimate objects they people they know have humped while on x or just palin sorry,  just plain shitfaced… fess up sinners… own it…

Comments

[Denise H.]

WTF!

[Sunshine]

Apparently according to the El Capitan.. I suck!!! enough said on my comment.. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.... :)

[Sunshine]

I actually did go and click on the link about that poor guy... boy! that gotta hurt when he pees...

[Latent Image]

How does on proposition a park bench into be so slutty?
Did he spill his drink and the park bench suck it up?
Whats the after etiquette with a park bench do you stay and cuddle?
If say one gets a splinter does that make the park bench into S and M?
Maybe im asking the wrong questions and or guy or maybe im just fascinated way too much about a guy going to town on a park bench.
Curiosity did kill the cat but for a minute I was a suspect.

[kel]

Ummm...I am sooo not telling any of my personal stories here! But, I just want to remind you that ALL of my posts are awesome, so you'll probably miss out on some sleep while you catch up on your reading.

[Robyn]

I'm just afraid to watch the carnage.

[kim]

I don't think that I can allow you to just start clean and skip all my previous blogs. They are so interesting you will be on the edge of your seat.

[WindyCity]

Suck it up Helmey! I did some major catch-up reading when I returned to the "real world" so I can say with 100% confidence that you will, oh yes you will, be catching up on some blogs! ;)

[candy]

You're not a real blogger until you blog about not blogging. Welcome to the club.

[Katie]

Oh YEAH, this one time I - I mean my friend, was so drunk...Wait, fuck that. I'm not going to be the only one telling hump stories.
And I have to agree with the others that I've dutifully checked in everyday to read your non-posts, and so now El Capitan can experience the joy of blurred vision, migraines and carpal tunnel syndrome from blog catching upping.

[Summer]

Seriously I feel ya on the catching up part! Right now I am sitting here dead ass tired and instead of laying down in my comfy bed I am reading this! WTF? I need help.

[Mary]

Where'd your other post go....you took it down! It was some pretty good buzzed blogging!
(it's still in google reader!)

[Nic]

Nothing like a penis story and a good laugh to start off the day! :)

[April]

Holy crap....people are freakin' stupid. LOL