Hey…Where’s the sheep?

Saturday I went to a bachelor party in honor of my friend Jeremy that was held in Wendover. For those of you non locals that might have just found the blogapalooza, Wendover is a Utah/Nevada border town with six casinos and other assorted venues. I rode out with Wayman so I had to make a new road trip CD that contained Justin Timberlake to keep him happy. Sadly I’m not kidding as Wayman truly does have some indescribable hetero-fascination with the guy. I guess we all have our demons…Wayman brings sexy back, Helm’s a male blogger so who am I to judge.

 

Uh oh…Tangent alert. Given some of the responses I get as some of my more narrow minded friends find out about the blogapalooza (as it’s not something I broadcast), it appears it would be less emasculating to cross-dress than blog. “So you write about your feelings and shit?” or “That’s really sweet Helmey” are a few of the peanut gallery’s favorite jabs as someone rats my blogging out. Well the first thing out of their collective mouths is typically “What the fuck is a blog?” with whoever called me out explaining its “Helmey’s internet diary”.  It seems I need some new non-douchbag friends…

 

Let’s get back to the night in question. A good group showed up and we all had a great time. I have to assume we all did as a couple of us broke off around 11 to play poker for hours on end and never rejoined the main pack. Drinking a shitload of Crown Royal XR took its toll on me so around 3 AM I decided to call it. I ended up rooming with Wayman and was curious as to why no one else even asked to share the room. I found my answer at about 5AM when he shows up trying to get into the room. After about 5 minutes of what sounded like someone humping the door I got up and let his drunk ass in. I have no clue what he did to his card key but it looked like it had fallen into the disposal. He then decides he’s going to get all fired up and tell me about the folks that took his money at the poker table like I give a shit at that hour and hadn't just gone through it myself.

 

Five minutes later he’s out cold. I know this as his snoring would have made a chainsaw jealous. I look over and see that he’s lying sideways on the bed with his head hanging off the near side. I have no fucking clue how he got like that but I wasn’t about to help him out. I try to fall asleep with a pillow over my head, thinking I should put it over his, and push till he stops kicking. I decided that would take too much energy so I just deal with it the best I could. Just as I start to drift off he shouts “Dammit Justin! Knock that shit off!” I jump up and try to figure out how and why Justin is in our room, quickly realizing he isn’t. Apparently Wayman doesn’t talk in his sleep, he shouts. That shit went on throughout the night freaking me out every time. Not to mention he blew ass I’m guessing around 30 times as he slept. I couldn’t find the thermostat so I just had to deal with the 95 degree heat coupled with the stench of Wayman’s ass. About 8:30 I figure its over and get up to get the hell out of town. I woke Wayman up by throwing the curtains open, inadvertently finding the thermostat when I did. I explain to him how he ruined my night and was one additional undesirable action away from death. He snored, sleep yelled, sleep farted, tossed and turned, if you added in say sleep self violation he would have died by my hand. I have a new found respect for Alicia his girlfriend for dealing with this on a nightly basis. She will be known from here on out as St Alicia...

 

 

Comments

[Latent Image]

Dude seriously what the fuck is a blog?

I have strict rules about Wendover. Always always meet your party there, drive alone. this ensures when they are out of money and your up you dont have to leave. Also ensures when you lost everything and they are up, you can leave. Come to think of it thats my rule for any night out on the town. im going to have to go consult the rule book...

[Word Perv]

Oh my fucking god, this had me LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!! My favorite parts:

"After about 5 minutes of what sounded like someone humping the door..."

"Just as I start to drift off he shouts 'Dammit Justin! Knock that shit off!'"

Your friend clearly has an obsession with Justin Timberlake. Not that I'm knockin' it, personally he's on my list too! ;)

[Mel]

Holy shit it's way too early in the morning for me to be laughing this hard. For some reason I found "sleep yell" hilarious. Actually the whole thing I was laughing so hard I got tears in my eyes. Thanks for the lovely Tuesday morning laugh;) Sorry for your shitty night of sleep.

[kel]

No, really, how does one ruin a hotel room card?

[Denise H.]

Oh, I can speak from experience in sharing a room with Wayman. A little over 3 years ago Me, Heath, Wayman and Sarah all spent a night in Wendover and got stuck in the same room. TRUE STORY!!! Since then we never have again.

I think we all need a night with Wayman to truly be greatful that our better half is not him!

You did good in staying away from all of the drama that night too.

Oh and BTW thanks for your help moving friend. :(

[WindyCity]

The only thing I want to know is: did Wayman's stock get de-listed on the ECSE?

[candy]

OK, I don't know what this has to do with sheep, but since you opened the door.

Do you know why it's best to shag a sheep at the edge of a cliff?

[Original Summer]

OMG Helmey! Sleep Fart! That is so hilarious! I personally would have murdered him. I am a light sleeper and would have made him crash in the hall or something. You are a patient man.
Oh and now that I know that you are broke from your Wendover trip, I promise to stop slipping you roofies. But...um...let me know when your bank account recovers.

[Dana Leigh]

Funny post! I agree with Word Perv...Wayman's dreaming of Mr. JT.

[Katie]

At least he didn't puke on your clothes. That's never good.
And, you are a blog genius.

[Mel]

Posted. I do not suck. Get off my back!

[kim]

Some guys are soooo nasty..

[Robyn]

Yeah, Wayman's bring sexy back alright.