Helmet's Blogapalooza: Guest Post "To pee or not to pee?" By Mel

Oh how time flies as this is the 69^th post of the Blogapalooza. Before I get too nostalgic I would like to introduce Mel of “Life, Liberty & Pursuit of Your Boyfriend”. This will be the last guest post for a week or two so drink it up. A poor choice of words for the forthcoming topic, but it still made me smile. Considering where she comes from I’m thrilled she didn’t write about the Cleveland steamer. If you dont know...you don't want to...trust me

To pee or not to pee?

Hey there, people of the Midwest and beyond, I’m Mellie Mel, your designated pervert of the day from Cleveland and my own little place on the internet: Life, Liberty & Pursuit of Your Boyfriend. I may do some crazy things to get my man (and subsequently write about those trials on my own blog), but sometimes guys, well, your penis is just too much for me.

I hear that Helmey ~~pervs~~ err, fans have apparently taken a liking to stories about peeing (so says the man in charge), so I had to recount a story about a guy I dated years ago that wanted me to pee on him. Yes, on him. I'm pretty sure he also wanted me to wear a diaper, but they weren't totally trendy until 2001.

I mean, I had a guy pee the bed next to me once and completely deny it. Well, more or less avoid it by rolling all the hotel sheets and comforter up into a ball ready-and-waiting for hotel housekeeping. He was 28 years old. Even though he was excessively drunk, it was still kind of creepy in that "did he just do what I think" kind of way. But I digress...

Before this integral moment of my 20s, "watersports" defined something completely different. You know, like diving or maybe jet-skiing and possibly peeing in the pool. With the advent of the internet, pissing and peeing websites bring together purveyors of "pee play" and garners of "golden showers." And who knew that even pissing your pants in public could bring on the perverts?

After a few experimental sex sessions with my guy purportedly leading up to said pissing sequence, I became very nervous. Sort of like the times when you're standing around at crowded urinals and experience a serious sweating bout of performance anxiety… Oh, just me then?

And while I'm all for being dominant over men with your garden-variety knots and whips, there was just something about this fetish that still disturbs me. Urolagnia (looking much like the letters of vagina, but that's just my perverseness coming into play) is the term used to describe sexual fetishes involving urine or urination. Then you have urophagia, where peeps actually want to drink it in.

I mean, I can't even understand how people can drink piss beer, let alone actual piss.

While I’m not sure where exactly this ex-boyfriend wanted my piss to flow, I couldn't perform, and I missed probably my one opportunity where I could pee while standing up.

Certainly not to be outdone, weeks later he pissed on me in the shower and somehow thought this was funny. I found it neither funny nor sexually satisfying. In fact, I'm pretty sure we never had sex again.