Puppy stickers and chivalry is far from dead…

It seems everywhere I’ve lived that there is a theme for people putting things on their car windows. You might find that in Arizona it's tinting, and in the Midwest its NASCAR stickers. Here in Utah it’s the stickers you put on your Mormon assault vehicle Suburban that represent each member of your family. I guess I was out of town and didn’t get the memo on where to purchase said stickers but I want to be included.

I have one slight issue. I need one has the wife and I, the dog, a lobster, (I refuse to own the wife’s two cats), and the people trapped in my basement. I can’t find the aforementioned sticker anywhere and refuse to visit the craigslist. Any ideas?

Shortly after sticker envy set in I had to get some gas for Hattori. As I’m getting raped at the pump (figuratively and not in the dolphin way) I look over a notice a lady putting gas in her car. As she fills up, she checks her oil, and then begins to wash her windows. All of this time her hubby is sitting behind the wheel with the A/C cranked while watching her do her thing. I just assume the dude is hurt or disabled and can’t help her or do it himself. I was wrong. As she finishes up he gets out of the car for an inspection. He then proceeds to jump her shit about some streaks he found on the window and pretty much just be an asshole in general. Good thing he didn’t inspect my car as when I rock the squeegee I leave huge dirt steaks every time. If he would have talked to me like he did his wife I would have cleaned the streaks with his face.

Later that night I proceeded to tell the wife about what I had seen earlier that day. I then mention that in our years together that she has yet to put gas in the car when we are together much less wash the windows or check the oil. It would seem then asking the question of “Where did I go wrong?” was in itself wrong. In lieu of an answer I got the “wife look”. Typically this is the time where I’m supposed to stop whatever I'm doing immediately to avoid getting in trouble. However this particular time I thought I was funny and pressed on. Bad move… Long story short I fell to the ground and pretend that I was already hurt to prevent getting hurt for real. It apparently didn’t work as the wife didn’t fall for my trick. Then I pretended to be dead. Again the wife was too smart for my treachery.

So what did I learn? I will be on gas duty forever and I will like it. I also know now that the “wife look” is like a red light or a stop sign and must always be obeyed and is not merely a suggestion as previously thought. 

Comments

[Denise Harkey]

Those stickers are RETARDED and they are everywhere. Why don't we just advertise on the back of our car to all of the child molestors out there how many little kiddos we have and what they like to do.

HaHa, I have never pumped gas or washed the windows with Heath either. For the most part, I stay in the car and he doesn it all and goes inside to get our drinks. I think that it is definitely normal and that lady you saw is just married to an asshole.

[WindyCity]

I don't know if they have the lobster option, but last time I was in SLC I saw a place in one of the malls where you could have your very own Fam sticker made. As for the people in the basement, hmm this is a toughie, because if they're fugitives or your 18 year-old runaway daughter(like the guy in Austria) you wouldn't want anybody to know. Same thing would go for illegal immigrants. However, should you choose to represent said people in the basement, I'm sure you could represent them on your family sticker with such things as soccer balls, angels or a representation of a super 86 oz Diet Coke from 7-11. This seems like a typical Utah Family Sticker ;) Cheers!

[Sunshine]

I just stick with my flip flop sticker on one side and my Steelers sticker on the other... keeping it simple :)

[tania]

oh my heck that is so funny! you really should find somewhere to make you a sticker with you, your, wife, your pup and the lobster! minus the people in the basement...

[Robyn]

I just saw one of those stickers here in the midwest and thought is that so when you crash they know how many bodies to look for.

[Candy]

Or you could move to New Jersey, where none of us pump our own gas. My husband forgot to fill his car for me before a long trip I had to take (I was taking OUR daughter...no not yours and mine Helmey...to college orientation and I graciously excused him from attending. The least he could do was fill the car) so I had to get it filled in Pennsylvania. Guess what! I HAD TO DO IT MYSELF. After 5 minutes of fumbling a nice old man came and helped me. There was much cursing of husband when the windows and doors were closed again.